like the title suggest you can read this if you wanna read whats going on with my current life right now
okay well thank you <
this is just a vent tho just so you know . . . i do apologize if its too long i just have alot on my plate
okay well for starters i currently live in an area where taxes and budgets just increased for no f---ing reason and now i have to struggle even more to live in a place of my own with my husband
my husband and i both out of morbid happenstance lost his father to cancer and my step father to a stroke
my husbands father tho had a life insurance policy where he his brother and his mother would get each a third. tho sad he took it and we used it to catch up on bills and rent and try to have a happy as we havent in a long time.
but his mother decided to take his brothers share (he is a minor still so she can technically do that) and twisted my husbands arm to get his even threatening him.
see his father was deep in dept due to spending money he never had on lots of things he didnt need only to get rid of them for the next big thing.
so she was trying to pay off the debts but we suspect otherwise cuz she was also talking about planning a trip/vacation . . . currently tho we recently talked to his brother and she works 3 jobs now . . dont know what that means for us but take it for what you will i guess
and from that happening
we are now faced with struggles again.
i have a med bill that i still owe $700 cuz walmart benefits suck ass (seariously fuck walmart)
my husband has a $100 speeding ticket for stupid
(ps he just got another the other night for our headlight burning out plus a warning . . . we got pulled over twice in one night going home but at least the 2nd officer wasnt a complete d--kface)
we're behind on our com ed bill, id say "and our internet" but we were forced to overdraw our account to pay it cuz they shut it off 1 day before payday.
as i mentioned before with the increases in money, our lease is due for expiring or continuing . . but our rent just increased from a slight $10 jump to a $50 jump going to nearly $900 a month to nearly $1000 a month. We do not have anywhere else to go so we have to stay and pay it. . .
even tho we're both minimum wage full and part time . . . . .
the last thing i wanna vent which is killing us both the most is that because of all this happening we're both not doing well in our mental states and its worrying me most . . . i love my husband so much and it hurts to see him crying and blaming himself for our situation . . .
he and i like video games and board games and whenever we can we like to have that to happy . . . when we had his dads insurance savings we were able to be happy and relax . . . but he shouldnt feel guilty for buying a game he loves to play . . . it makes him happy . . . right?
am i right? . . am i wrong? . . . i dont know . . . maybe it was just stupid . . . maybe we shouldve just payed our bills and tucked it all in a savings . . . . . . maybe we should sell it all and try to stay afloat again . . . . . . . . . . . but we wouldnt be happy . . . . i want so many things . . .
i want to be happy, with a job im actually proud to do, a house of my own, a husband that doesnt cry from misfortune, and a family of my own . . . .
why is it so hard now in this time
to be happy?
im so depressed and fed up, that im feeling myself fall further and further into the dark . . . im trying to feel happy in the little things . . .
but idk how to fix anything like this . . . it feels like too much . . . . it hurts so much *sobbing*
im sorry to put you down if you were happy and reading this . . . im sorry- . . .im sorry
i dont have anything else i wanna say . . . im so tired . .
maybe ill be back later
i hope so . .
i miss it here
thank you for reading